1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with
everybody at the party except you.
4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.
11) Jewish dilemma:
12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:
"Are you in?"
13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:
"Honey, I'm home!"
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Saturday, September 8, 2007
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Well, I survived the first week of school. I didn't realize I'd be doing so much homework....blah! At least it's easy, but since it's so easy for me I tend to have a short fuse as I feel it should be easy for her to get. Thank GOD my husband is a blessing to all of us!!! He has the patients and he tends to make everything fun!
They did end up having to stay home Wednesday and Thursday cuz they were sneezing and coughing and not getting good sleep. My daughter actually has a spelling test! That is just great to me. I can't wait to hear her read something all by herself.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
WOW....How did my mom deal with this??? I sit here wondering if me putting both my 4 year old son as well as my 5 year old daughter in school at the same time was a good idea. They are so ready and excited and I feel like I'm loosing my babies! I can't believe my son is as excited as he is, but I guess this is better than having my daughter go and leave him home by himself considering they have been home together since they were born and have not been anywhere else without each other. They are very close although they argue at times. I am so overwhelmed with emotions it's not even funny!!
How do you deal with handing your children over to some strange "teacher" and expect them to take care of them the way YOU would? How do you relax enough to trust these people? My kids have done great at home. So much so that my daughter tested high enough to be in all honors classes in Kindergarten and my son is in a high level PreK 4 yr old class, but still do they HAVE to be in this "school" type environment where they are not in me or their father's eyesight at some point throughout the day. The teachers tell me that I'm not allowed in the building. Is that even fair???
I'm not sure how tomorrow is going to go for me, but I pray that it's good for the kids no matter what. They so want to go and are so excited about learning how to read more and making all these new friends. I really just hope that all is OK. Insha' Allah!!
I am only going through with this because the kids really seem to want to go to school. The first sign that I don't like this teacher or whatever they will come back home.
I am so nervous....scared. ... not sure if I'm doing the right thing.....I know they have to be educated, but where and what if I choose wrong and they have the most horrendous experience ever in their lives. I don't think I could live with myself. Also...I haven't been in school since college...do I even know how to help them with homework? Do I remember Geometry and stuff??? That's crazy ..they won't be doing that yet. They still have to learn to read and add/subtract. BUT when they get to Geomety, could I do it??
I have so many questions and really no answers till they get there and do it. I guess if me and their dad survived then they should be able to as well. I guess I need more prayer than they do .. LOL
Here's to the First Day of School.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Top 4: Broadway - Have I mentioned how much I hate broadway!!!! Although all the dancers have proven why they are in the Top 4 I still think this number did absolutely nothing for them.
Lacey Solo: That was better than the other night. She is a great dancer. She has a lot of the same moves over and over, but so do a lot of the other dancers so at this point I have to give it to her for consistency. She has been good since week 1 and she has remained good all the way through. I never expected her to have a bad week while watching!
Sabra and Neil: Hip-Hop - I thought it was OK. It looked like they had fun. There were some moments of the routine that were really really kewl like the walk towards the front of the stage, but for the most part the overall routine just wasn't "poppin" for me. It wasn't even as good as the mild hip-hop Sabra did with Dominic. I think Dan hit it on the head....we've seen them both do that much better than they did and I for one would have liked to see it a little better than what I've already seen.
Lacey and Danny: Viennese Waltz - It was OK. Not as pretty as one of the other ones I remembered seeing this season. (have to go back and look who it was that danced it) I wasn't really moved by this number is all.
Neil Solo: Uh, surprise he is a gymnast!! I think that was a great solo from Neil. He has truly evolved as a dancer in this competition.
Lacey and Sabra: WADE Jazz - That was a bad azz routine and those girls danced it WONDERFULLY!!!!! I have no idea what is wrong with Nigel sometimes. Did he not see the technique in their movements and how they were graceful where needed to be and very quick "fox" like movements when needed to be. They looked beautiful and did an AWESOME job!
Danny Solo: What a beautiful man. Just what I thought about him. He's just really "protective" of himself and from whatever he dealt with in his first 10 years of life before being adopted, he put up walls. I would not be sad if he won at all! If he doesn't win I don't think he will have any problems what so ever. He is a person that will be known by all and any dancers that there will ever be!!! He will make a name for himself in history as far as dance is concerned!
Danny and Neil: MIA Contemporary - MAN...Neil messed up the leap over Danny's head...but it was still and awesome awesome routine!!!!! OK. Danny may have taken the title from Sabra today.
Sabra Solo: It was OK, but I like her all season so I have to vote for her but at this point I'll prolly do her and Danny. He was just amazing.
Lacey and Neil: Lindyhop - Great lifts!!! They looked like they should be on the next episode of GREASE.
Sabra and Danny: Cha-Cha - THAT is why they are the top 2!!!!
(borrowed from Mags Donnelly's American Idol Blog)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
The first thing they did was say we didn't have enough insurance on our house. They took it upon themselves to purchase insurance using our escrow account. The of course purchase the most expensive policy they could possibly find. Then they turned around and said we had to put that money back into the escrow as well as the amount for the taxes and the amount for the loan insurance! So our monthly payments went from $760/mo. to $1264/mo. And in the process of all of this now we have somehow gotten 2 months behind! They can't explain how considering I have proof of EACH months payments for the last year, but somehow we are 2 months behind. I'm still waiting on an explanation for that!
So we go purchase our own insurance. We are still waiting for the amount from the old insurance to be refunded to my escrow account, but somehow I just don't think that is going to happen. They will find some reason as to why that has to be applied somewhere else.
We are now looking for a different house or an apartment. At this point I think I prefer to rent. I do not want to deal with the city or the banks or anyone else who wants to know where my money is going at all anymore!! I will find someplace nice for us to rent and be on our way!
The plumbing in this house has gotten so bad that my electricity bill is actually $600 due to hot water that will not stop running in ONE bathroom!! That is $300 over the normal bill range. It is time to go...all the signs are there.
Folks avoid Wells Fargo at all cost!!!